MT1: More Than I'm Supposed To
by Elise Marie
Summary: An old flame of Jack's turns up at the SGC causing everyone to think about their situation. The SGC will never be the same again! Set in series five. REVISED
1. Default Chapter

**Title**: More Than I'm Supposed To.

**Category**: Sam and Jack Romance/Angst

**Spoilers**: Need to have seen "100 Days", "Divide and Conquer" and "Entity".

**Series**: Story one in the "More Than…" series

**Season**: Set near the end of season 4. Everything up until "Entity" is the same and then this alternate universe kicks in!

**Rated**: PG13

**Summary**: An old flame of Jack's returns and it forces Jack to consider things. The SGC will never be the same again!

**Warnings**: Love triangle, bit of violence and some strong language.

**Disclaimer: Stargate and SG-1 are the property of Showtime, MGM, Double Secret and Gekko and they do not belong to the author. This piece of fan-fiction was created solely for entertainment purposes and no money was exchanged. No copyright infringement was intended and the original characters, situations and plots are property of the author. This piece of fan-fiction must not be archived without the author's consent.**

**Comments**: This is my updated version and split into two chapters just to make it easy. I'm only revising and updating because I found the hand-written sequels that happen after the first three. I'm going to revise the original three and then start posting the sequels.

This is dedicated to Kim and baby Jordan. Congratulations :)

Fan-fiction is a way of seeing what they won't show on TV.

Copyright © Elise July 2002

Revised Edit – September 2010.

**More than I'm Supposed to**

SG-1 gathered in the control room as the klaxons continued wailing all around them. The Stargate had been activated but an iris defence code had been sent. General Hammond had ordered the iris to be opened, but with teams of armed SF guards in the gate room. The wormhole activated and people started to exit the gate, gathering on the ramp. SG-1 immediately recognised the woman leading the people. Her face was stained with blood, dirt and probably tears, her light brown hair was caked in dirt and her green eyes brimmed with tears. It was Laira from the planet Edora, visited two years previously by SG-1, and behind her was a group of Edorans.

"Jack," she called as she fell to her knees, almost dropping the bundle she held in her arms.

Before General Hammond could give Colonel Jack O'Neill the go ahead, O'Neill was running out of the control room toward the gate room. The three remaining members of SG-1 waited for General Hammond's nod before following their colonel.

O'Neill entered the gate room just as the wormhole disengaged and the blue hue that had tinted everything was gone. He ran straight to where Laira knelt. "Laira, what happened?" he questioned, looking at the group of hurt and scared people before back at the woman with whom he had once shared a life.

"Our planet was attacked."

"By whom?"

"We do not know." She paused. "Some of us are hurt."

"Right," O'Neill nodded, turning to look up at General Hammond. "We need some med-units in here." O'Neill saw Hammond nod and then his attention was brought to the other members of his team entering the room. His eyes fell straight on Major Samantha Carter. Their eyes met and both saw the confusion in the other, he knew in that instant that she was questioning his reactions to the alien woman and he was trying to reply that he was merely being friendly. It had been over a year since he had admitted in front of a lot of base personnel that he cared about Carter, and a year since they had decided to keep that revelation inside a fictitious box which held everything he felt for her. They were both in a limbo which both seemed happy with. O'Neill broke the contact when a noise caught his attention. It was an infant's cries. He looked at Laira. "What was that?" he asked, his face showing confusion.

With his help, Laira stood, a hopeful smile contradicting her battle marked appearance. "It is your son," she replied, uncovering the bundle she held to reveal a child about a year old. O'Neill stared at the child in shock. Behind him his team-mates also reacted; Teal'c raised one eyebrow, while Doctor Daniel Jackson's face showed shock and then concern as he looked at the sight in front of him and then at Carter. Carter's mouth had fallen open in surprise, but her face was a mixture of shock and fear.

The baby wailed again, breaking the silence as the med-units arrived.

X X X X X

Major Carter excused herself from the gate room as quickly as possible without raising anybody's suspicion or concern. She doubted that it had worked successfully though. It was obvious to everyone that she had been disturbed by Laira's arrival and to most it was obvious as to the reason why. She went straight to the women's toilets so that she could have a while to compose herself and think without any interruptions. Most of her friends on base were male, Hell most of the people on base were male, and so she should not be disrupted. Doctor Janet Fraiser was the only real female friend Sam had on base and, as Chief Medical Officer she would be dealing with this crisis therefore unable to come prying into Sam's solitude.

Sam let out a long deep breath, feeling like she had not breathed in minutes. She did not know what to do. O'Neill and she had come so far since the _'Laira'_ incident and Sam no longer knew where she stood with her C.O. Two years ago, O'Neill had become trapped on Edora. It was during this time that he had fallen in love with Laira, but also when Sam had realised her true feelings. She had been hurt a great deal during that time, but the pain had healed. About six months after that, a mission involving the Tok'ra had led both Sam and Colonel O'Neill to admit that they had feelings for each other. All they had admitted was that they cared for each other a lot more than they were supposed to. They had never discussed it since, agreeing to _'keep it in the room'_ but Sam's feelings had not changed and she believed that O'Neill's had not either. This could change things now.

Now what was she supposed to do? It was one thing to work beside the man you loved, knowing that you cannot have them. It was a totally different thing to work beside the man you loved, knowing that he has a child with another. O'Neill was an honourable man and Sam did not doubt that he would now want to be a part of his child's life and she wondered where that left her.

Sam could only just about deal with working with her best friend and loving him, wishing that they could act upon their mutual feelings. She knew that she was safe in the knowledge that their feelings were in a room, locked away safely. They may not be able to act upon them, but they each knew that they were there and that each other's feelings were reciprocated. Sam found that comforting and made working together a little bit easier. Things could easily change now, Sam thought sadly.

"Sam?" Sam heard Daniel's voice as someone knocked on the cubicle door.

"Daniel, this is the Ladies'," she responded, trying to give him a hint that she did not want to talk.

"I know. I came to see if you're okay."

"You're not a lady," Sam said, ignoring the rest of what he had said.

"I know," he repeated, "but I came to see if you're okay."

"You shouldn't be in the Ladies', Daniel." Sam was not sure how much more ignoring she could do before she screamed. She was concerned that if he knew it was this obvious that something had upset her, had other people noticed?

Daniel sighed, giving up and hopefully taking her ignorance as a sign that she was fine although Sam doubted that. "General Hammond's called a meeting in the briefing room. He wants you there."

"When is it?" Sam asked, glad that Daniel had given up trying to help her because she really did not want to talk right now. She had never discussed her feelings for O'Neill with anyone before, rarely even with O'Neill himself. Everyone knew that there were feelings there and some people had known before the Zatarc incident; Daniel included.

"In ten minutes."

"Okay," she replied trying to figure out if she could compose herself within ten minutes. She knew that she could because she was often faced with lots of information, deadlines and quick decisions all at once. Sam knew that she just to work through her thoughts a little bit before having to face Colonel O'Neill again.

"Yeah, it's just SG-1, the general and, uh, Laira," Daniel volunteered without needing to be asked.

"Thanks. I'll see you there." Sam thanked her throat for allowing that sentence to be spoken without breaking.

"Are you sure? I can come with you, if you want."

Sam could hear the friendly concern in his voice. He had given up asking her if she was okay, but he was still there if she wanted him. This made Sam smile. "Thanks, but I'm okay."

"Okay," Daniel said and Sam listened as he left.

"Brave face, Samantha, brave face," she whispered to herself before leaving the cubicle.

X X X X X

Colonel O'Neill was the first to get to the briefing room. He had decided against following Laira to the infirmary. She had asked him to accompany her, but he had refused saying that there would be too many people in there. Plus, Jack needed some time to think. It was one thing to see his ex-partner standing there, but to discover he had a child – it was a bit too much. When he and Laira had parted, Jack had asked Laira to come to Earth with him and she had asked for him to remain on Edora. Both had declined the other's offer, neither able to leave their respective home. His life had changed a lot in the two years following then, he had become more comfortable with the life that he had and the box in which his and Carter's feelings were stored. In fact he had been a different man on Edora – a man who had no chance for returning home, a man who could settle down and have a family. He had been that man a long time ago, but he was no longer that man. He could be, though. So easily he could be. Was that what he wanted?

Did he want to settle down with a woman he could love, have children and raise a family?

Or did Jack want what he had now – a world-saving job that he loved?

He knew that he could not have both and maybe now was the time for him to decide. He had made that decision the last time he left Laira and Edora, but things were different now on both sides: Edora and Earth. Earth still had all of the positive attributes it had done two years ago and now had something clearly defined yet un-acted upon with Carter. Edora, on the other hand, still had someone that O'Neill could love but who could not make him truly happy and yet it now also had his child, the one thing which he could not have on Earth.

Jack was so lost in thought that he did not notice the General or Daniel enter. Jack did look up when Carter appeared in the doorway. She hesitated before entering the room. He watched her curiously as she silently moved toward the table and sat down opposite Daniel, all the time keeping her head low. Jack managed a glimpse of her face and it was pale. Carter was an important part of his life now. She was his best friend. She knew him better than anyone else and they could communicate by looks alone. She was the woman he… cared for a lot more than he was supposed to. Jack hated the thought of life without seeing her, without looking into those big blue eyes or without seeing her beaming smile. The trouble was she could never give him that life that he had wanted so badly. That life that had a happy ending, that consisted of a wife, two-point-four children and a dog. He had been happy to try and live that life when he had no other option, when the Stargate being buried had forced him into that life. He would have happily continued with that life if there had been no other way, but he had known the instant SG-1 returned for him that his life was not with Laira on Edora. Now he could have a second chance with a son, but O'Neill was not sure that was a good enough reason to leave Earth and his life completely.

Jack saw something move out of the corner of his eye and he glanced at it, taking his eyes off of Carter's bowed head. It was Teal'c entering the room, accompanied by Laira. Everyone could feel the tension in the room rise by a few notches. He immediately returned his gaze to Carter and found her watching him. Their eyes met for a brief second, which seemed to last a lifetime. In her eyes he saw the impossible future. He looked back at Laira as she took her seat, meeting her eyes and he saw the possible future. Laira smiled and Jack returned the compliment.

"Let's get this meeting started, shall we?" General Hammond said, bringing everyone to attention. "Laira, what happened on Edora?"

Everyone turned to look at Laira, except Carter who, unknown to the others, was doodling on her notebook.

Laira sighed. "We were attacked." She had already said as much earlier whilst also stating that she had not known who had attacked them

"By whom?" Daniel asked. Everyone was thinking the Goa'uld, but they knew that a group of Edorans would never escape through the Stargate if Goa'uld ruled it.

Laira shook her head. "That is where I am deeply ashamed. We were attacked by ourselves." The disgrace and embarrassment were obvious in her voice, leading Jack to assume that was why she had misinformed them when she had first arrived.

This made even Carter look up. "Excuse me?" she asked. When SG-1 had been on Edora, it had been a peaceful nation.

"Soon after you left, our people began bickering. At first it was over nothing, but it soon grew. It escalated and soon a new village was formed. The bickering ceased for a few months until the new village discovered their crops had failed through misfortune. They stole from us. We would have given what could be spared, but they stole it all. We then gave them warnings and ultimatums and they started a war. They destroyed most of our village before we knew what hit us, declaring that they wanted control of everything. They gave us the choice of submission or retreating through the Stargate. The people with me are the last of us and the only place we could think of was here. We cannot return home," Laira admitted, her voice cracking slightly. "We came to you in the hope that you can find us a new home. Can you?"

"You can stay here," Jack blurted out without thinking. No one was sure where the comment had come from, not even Jack.

Daniel looked at Carter for her reaction while everyone else looked at Jack in shock.

"Colonel?" Hammond questioned.

Before Jack could reply, Laira spoke. "Thank you, Colonel, but my people and I would not like to depend on others. We wish to be self-sufficient and we do not believe that we could integrate into your society." Jack nodded slowly. "General Hammond, we would be grateful if you could find us a new planet. A fertile, peaceful and hospitable planet."

"I'm sure that we can and we will give you as much assistance as you need and request. Major, Doctor – can you both work on this?" General Hammond asked, knowing that Carter and Daniel were the most suited to the task because both had a good knowledge of planets and Daniel kept himself up to date with their allies and hospitable planets.

"Yes, General," Daniel answered.

"Yes, Sir," Carter said quietly. Hammond nodded before leaving. Carter looked up from her notebook her eyes locking with Jack's. He opened his mouth as if about to say something to her.

"Jack, may I have a word?" Laira asked, successfully preventing Jack from speaking to Carter.

Jack turned to Laira. "Sure," he stood up, "in my office." Jack turned back to Carter, but she was studying her notebook again. Laira nodded and followed him out of the room.

Carter remained in her seat, her gaze back on her notebook.

"Sam?" Daniel questioned.

"Leave me alone, Daniel!" she snapped before walking out.

Daniel sighed and looked at the doorway. "I think we're in for a fun few days," he said sarcastically.

"Indeed," Teal'c replied, as one eyebrow rose.

X X X X X

Jack led Laira into his office in silence. He had a lot to say to the woman, but he did not know where to start. He closed the door behind him and Laira turned to face him.

"We have a lot to discuss," Laira said.

Jack nodded. "Our son…"

"His name is Jack, after his father. You may doubt he is your son, but he is. If it were possible to prove it, I would."

"We have a way," Jack said, unsure whether he doubted her.

"Do it. If you doubt me, do it. I will not be hurt or think less of you. I love you, Jack, and you are my son's father."

"Why didn't you tell me about him?" For some reason he believed Laira. Maybe it was because she would not allow herself to be tested if she knew there was a chance that the child was not his.

Laira began looking around the room, nervously. "At first I could not because I did not want you back for him. I wanted you back for me. I know that you may consider that wrong, but you were not prepared to give up your life here for me and I did not want you to for him."

"That wasn't really your decision to make," he stated bluntly.

"Maybe not, but you had left. I had desired to leave it a few months and then come and tell you. I had planned for it to be under much better circumstances and then give you the option regarding being in his life. I did not want you to make a decision based on him or me which altered your life. I did not want to appear as a woman who had deliberately trapped you. Then the fighting started and I did not want to run to you for help, nor did I want to abandon my people; they look to me as a leader. I came to you when we could take it no more and I am deeply sorry that I also come with this news about your child, but circumstances prevented me coming sooner."

"You still should have told me. Straight away, whether I made a decision based on you or him, it was my decision to make."

"Why?" Laira asked. "What would it have achieved?"

"I would have known my son. I could have seen him grow. I could have protected him." Jack was evidently hurt. "He is my son and you kept him from me. I could have helped you both."

Laira turned back to face Jack. "You still can. Come with us, Jack," she implored passionately, moving towards him. "Know me and your son. Leave this life and start a new one," she held his hands as she pleaded. "Please."

"I… I…" Jack looked at her pleading face and tried to form an answer, trying to make a decision. It was a very difficult choice.

X X X X X

Daniel sometimes believed himself to be a glutton for punishment. He had already tried twice now and he was about to try for the third time to talk to Sam. He headed to SG-1's office, knowing that Sam would throw herself into her work. That meant that she would either be in the lab or their office. Daniel was correct and he found Sam in their office. He coughed as he entered the room.

Sam looked up and smiled. "Daniel, I was just getting started on finding the Edorans a planet. I think-"

"Sam," Daniel interrupted and she stopped.

"What?" she asked smiling. She was putting on a brave face, she was burying everything and Daniel knew it. It was just as she always did when it came to Jack O'Neill and he did the same thing regarding her.

He approached her desk slowly. "It's obvious that you don't want to talk, but I'm here if you want to." He paused to let her speak, but Sam remained silent. "I know how you feel about him and that he feels the same. I know how it must be to see Laira come back. I saw what you went through when Jack was trapped on Edora and when he came back. I know how much you hurt, Sam, and I don't want to see you hurting again." It was common knowledge to most on the base that there were feelings between Sam and her commanding officer. A few select people knew that during an incident involving the Tok'ra, both Jack and Sam had been forced to admit they cared for each other. Daniel had sort of known beforehand that there was a deep friendship between his two friends. He also knew that it was against their regulations to ever do anything about it. Part of him was glad of this, but another part was not. As a human being, Daniel did not like it that two people should be kept apart. But as a member of a very unique team, Daniel did not want their dynamic to change. The return of Laira could very well change that dynamic without either Jack or Sam breaking regulations.

"She has his child, Daniel," Sam whispered.

"I know, but it doesn't change how he feels about you."

"Yes, it does. He didn't come back here for me and he's not going to stay here for me. Not when he has the chance of having a family – something that I can't give him."

"That's not all that matters to him, Sam."

"Maybe not, but it should be. I don't want to be the reason he misses out on seeing his child grow up. I couldn't do that even if I could give him a family."

"What if he wants to stay here?"

Sam looked up at Daniel and sighed. He could see that her eyes were brimming with tears. "That's his choice, but I'm not gonna ask him to stay or encourage it. He deserves happiness, Daniel." Sam paused, smiling slightly at him and revealing her defiance when it came to this matter. "Can we do this work a bit later on?"

"Sure," Daniel nodded. "I'll, uh, I'll be in the commissary – I'm kinda hungry."

X X X X X

Jack pulled his hands away from Laira's grasp and stepped back. He saw her face fall and a pang of guilt stabbed through him. "I just need some time. To think about it. It's a big decision and very tempting." They smiled at each other. "But I can't answer just like that. I can't give up everything here just like that. There are people here. There's my… job. A lot of very important stuff."

"I understand," Laira smiled at the man she loved. "Take as long as you need. You can come home whenever you like. And if your life here is too important then stay, but please visit your son. I would very much like for you to be part of his life." Laira paused. "I must get back to my people. Please come along later to see your son."

Jack nodded. "I will. First, I have some… serious thinking to do."

Laira leaned into Jack and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. "I look forward to seeing you later," and with that, Laira left the room leaving Jack alone to his thoughts.

And boy did he have a lot of thoughts. He wanted to stay on Earth, to continue working for the SGC, to save the world. He wanted to remain with his friends - they were people that he genuinely cared about, some more than others. He would miss his job and the people, but now he had two more people to think about – Laira and Jack Junior.

Save the world, or be a Dad?

Live on Earth or some other planet?

Be an air force officer or farmer?

Sam or Laira?

"Grr!" Jack grunted, shaking his head. He could not handle all of these thoughts on his own – he needed to find someone to talk to.

X X X X X

Laira entered the infirmary and walked over to her friend, Kessel. Both women smiled at each other and the brunette handed over the toddler she held. Laira took Jack Junior in her arms and glanced around at her people.

"Is everyone okay?"

Kessel nodded. "Some broken bones and some had to undergo operations, but the doctor said that everyone will be okay."

"Good," Laira smiled. She looked down at her son, "Hello beautiful," she cooed at Jack-Junior. "Did you miss your mother?"

Jack-Junior giggled in his mother's arms and gave her a large smile. He had his mother's eyes and his father's smile. Laira had always loved to see Jack-Junior smile because it reminded her so much of Jack.

"Laira," Kessel asked, "what happened with his father?"

"I have asked him to come with us," Laira replied, smiling and playing with her son while holding a conversation with her friend.

"And?"

"And he requires time to think about his answer."

"What if he only comes to you for your child?"

Laira shrugged. "He would be mine," she continued, "and he is needed. I have not asked him to spend his life with me purely because I love him, but also because our people and my son need him. He will be a strong leader."

"And you will get something, too," Kessel smiled and her friend sighed.

"Away with you, Kessel."

X X X X X

Jack entered SG-1's office, looking for Daniel. Instead he found Carter. She was sitting, staring at the computer screen. Jack could tell by the look in her eyes that she was not concentrating. He studied her for a moment. She had this amazing beauty that knocked him for six. In that instant, he knew that he could not leave her… if she wanted him to stay. He knew that they could never be together, but seeing her there and then he knew he could not live without her.

"Hey, Carter."

Carter visibly jumped. "Sir, you scared me." She tried to put a brave face on the situation.

"Sorry," he apologised before they fell into an uncomfortable silence.

"What are you…?"

"How's…?" Both laughed and Jack started again.

"What are you up to?"

"Nothing actually. Too much on my mind."

Jack nodded. "I know the feeling."

Again an uncomfortable silence fell as Jack started fiddling with some object near him. Keeping his eyes on the object, Jack spoke. "Laira's asked me to go with her."

Carter looked up at Jack, noticing that he was avoiding looking at her. Her worst fears were confirmed. There was a long silence as Carter tried to get her voice under control before speaking. "Are you going?" Her voice shook a little – not quite the control she had hoped for.

Jack shrugged. "There are a lot of things to consider," he said, looking up and meeting her eyes. He saw pain and confusion in their blue.

"Yeah. Your job, your friends, family, your son." Carter said the last part more for herself than for him. She had to remind herself that he had a son now and that was more important than anything she felt.

"And you," he whispered. He realised that his hands were shaking so after putting the object down, Jack shoved his hands into his pockets. He could not believe that he felt like a nervous, shy teenager, but maybe that was how being in love made one feel.

Carter tried to smile bravely. "Me? What have I got to do with anything? I'm sure I could cope with a new C.O."

"Yeah, right," Jack nodded, bitterly continuing. "What was I thinking? Why should you care what I'm up to?"

X X X X X

Daniel stopped halfway to the commissary, suddenly thinking that Sam might be hungry. He turned back to SG-1's office, but seeing Doctor Fraiser approaching, he stopped again. "Janet."

"Hey, Daniel. How's Sam?" her closest friend on base asked.

"She's decided that Jack's gonna leave Earth to be with Laira and Sam reckons that's best for everyone."

"Including her?" Janet queried.

"I think that's what she thinks. She knows how she feels and how he did feel, but she also knows that they can never be together. She wants him to be happy and I think she's just decided that she can't make him happy."

Janet shook her head at her friend's logic. "But could she?" Daniel shrugged and Janet continued. "You going for lunch?"

"Yeah, I'll meet you in a minute. I want to go and see if Sam's hungry."

X X X X X

"What?" Sam asked, slightly confused. "Of course I care what you do. I just don't see what I have to do with it."

"Nothing, Carter, you have nothing to do with it." O'Neill no longer felt nervous, now he was just angry.

Sam could hear the anger in his voice and it made her cement her decision. "Would you like my advice, sir?" she spat.

"Go ahead. After all, no-one can make a decision without Miss-Know-It-All Carter giving her input." O'Neill was visibly getting angrier by the second.

Sam scowled at her commanding officer. "You should go. Someone else can do your job – probably better than you can. As for your family and friends, don't worry there aren't that many. And me," she paused, "I don't care. So the way I see it, there's nothing keeping you here."

"Fine," O'Neill replied not reacting to her harsh words at all, "I'm going to go with Laira. I'm going to be a dad to my son. I'm gon-" he stopped when he realised that Sam was hastily leaving the room. Now he was confused and ashamed. Maybe it would be better if he went to Edora.

"Jack," O'Neill turned at Daniel's angry voice, "why is Sam running down the corridor? She almost bowled me over."

"I don't know," O'Neill said in a quiet voice.

"What did you say to her?" This was one of the reasons that Daniel believed the dynamic could change – O'Neill hurting Sam. That was also one of the reasons that he was glad the regulations stood in their way.

"That I was going to Edora."

"Are you?"

"I don't know. She made it clear that she doesn't want me here and that she doesn't care where I am."

"Jack, don't be so obtuse. Sam doesn't want you to go."

"Well she doesn't want me to stay."

"She wants to make it easier for you."

"Well she has," Jack replied as stubbornly as he could

"She doesn't want to be the reason that you're not with your son. She doesn't want to be the other woman. She doesn't want you to hate her in years to come."

"She isn't the other woman – she's the only woman," O'Neill paused, what he had just said suddenly dawning on him. He wanted that impossible future with Carter. He wanted to be with her in this life, not with Laira in some fairy-tale. "I can stay here and still visit my son. I don't know if I'm ready for the quiet life yet, if I'm ready to stop saving the world."

"Don't tell me, Jack, tell her."

O'Neill nodded and ran out of the room, faster than a Goa'uld larva sought out a new host, but only as fast as his injured knees could handle. Daniel could not help smiling to himself. As he moved towards his desk, Daniel noticed someone standing in the second doorway.

"Care to explain anything, Doctor Jackson?" General Hammond asked.

"General, I, uh, I have a lot of work to do."

"You better get to it, then. I don't want any distractions to delay the work. Do I make myself clear Doctor Jackson?"

Daniel nodded and began working, hoping the general would leave it at that.

X X X X X

Jack had checked Carter's quarters, her lab, everywhere he could think of. He was on the verge of giving up when he found himself standing outside of the ladies' toilets. Checking there was no one around, Jack entered the toilets. There was only one cubicle door closed and Jack could hear breathing from behind it.

"Carter?" he asked hesitantly. He soon heard an annoyed groan.

"Can no-one read the sign on the door?" she asked sarcastically.

"Hey," he greeted knowing it was her. "I've been looking all over for you."

"Why did you bother?"

God, she was impossible sometimes. "You gonna open the door?" he asked, ignoring her question.

"No."

"I'll break it down then."

"No, you won't," she said and she was right. First of all, Jack would have to explain it to General Hammond and secondly, Jack would probably hurt Carter and himself in the process.

Jack shook his head as he realised that there was only one thing left to do. Walking into the cubicle next to Sam's, he placed a foot on the seat as there was no toilet lid. "Hope you're decent in there," he said, poking his head over the wall. "Good, you are." He was not exactly sure what he was going to say. He knew that he did not want to live with Laira and that he wanted to stay here with Carter. He knew that a relationship would be … hard if not impossible, but he could live with just being friends and nothing more just as long as she was in his life.

"Colonel?" Carter said, looking up. Her brow furrowed in both confusion and shock.

"Mind out the way," he said. He shifted his weight and his foot slipped into the toilet bowl. "Oh, for crying out loud!"

"Colonel?" Carter questioned as his head disappeared from view.

"Nothing," he said climbing back up with one soaking wet foot. "Move then."

In complete shock, Carter moved against the door, but did not even think about opening it. Jack's head disappeared behind the wall for a moment but it soon reappeared with the rest of his body as he climbed over into Carter's cubicle. He stumbled a bit, but stood up in front of her.

"Hi!" he smiled his large goofy smile. "I got a wet foot."

"What are you doing?"

"I could ask you the same thing."

"I'm in the ladies' toilets – it's kinda obvious," she joked.

"I don't mean that." He paused. "I spoke to Daniel."

"You shouldn't have," she said as all emotion disappeared from her face.

"Do you want me to go to Edora?" Before Carter could answer, Jack riskily continued. "Because I don't. I want to stay here. I like my job. I like my life and more importantly, I like you," he said in a hurry.

"What?" Carter asked in astonishment.

"I don't want to leave Earth because I don't want to leave you," he explained it slowly, showing that he meant what he said.

"Sir-"

"Carter," she looked him in the eye as he stepped closer, "I know that you don't want to be the other woman or to keep me from my son – you couldn't do either."

"It's not just that. We can't be together, Colonel. I'm kind of okay with that because work is all I've ever wanted. It's not okay for you though and maybe you don't care at the moment, but you will."

"I'm happy as it is, Carter." He closed the gap between them, the locked toilet door behind Carter. "I'm happy working with you every day, caring for you more than I'm supposed to," he paused. He meant what he said, but he also knew that he would be fine with their relationship changing. That was why he was about to do what he was. "Carter, I'm going to kiss you and if you don't want me to then stop me." He gently put his hands on her cheeks and he leaned in. He closed his eyes before his lips descended on hers.

She could feel her heart beating way too fast and she was powerless to stop him from kissing her. Their lips met and the kiss was slow at first. Her hands reached up behind his neck, pulling him closer and the kiss deepened. His hands found themselves on her hips, pulling her lower body closer to him.

Neither could believe that they were actually kissing the other. For five years they had worked together, developing feelings. A year ago they had admitted they cared more than they should and they had both known that nothing could ever be done about it, yet they were.

As if they both thought this at the same time, each pulled away from the other.

Jack was at a total loss for words.

"I have work to do," Carter said, managing to push Jack back a step and then get out of the cubicle.

Jack quickly chased after her. "Wait," he said, grabbing her arm before she could leave the toilets. "Could I maybe see you tonight?" He saw hesitation on her face. "We have a lot to discuss." He paused, "I meant what I said."

Carter's eyes met his, something flickering over her face before it returned to being expressionless. She nodded.

Jack smiled happily. "My place at eight?"

Staring at the floor once more, Carter nodded again. Silently she walked off.

X X X X X

Jack had nothing to do for the afternoon. He had been ecstatically happy after Carter had left, but reality had soon snuck back into his brain. He knew that if he stayed on his own his mind would wander and he would think too much. If he were left alone to those thoughts he would talk himself out of tonight. He had briefly gone back to his quarters, but only to find a change of socks and shoes.

He might even talk himself into going with Laira.

It was not that he wanted either of these, but if he thought too much he would remember the regulations, the hundreds of reasons why he should not go and see Carter, the catastrophe that could follow. Things could also never go back to normal with Carter now. Not after he had kissed her, for crying out loud! After the morning's events he could never resume a working relationship with Carter, she could never simply be Carter to him and he doubted that he could ever be Colonel to her.

"Stop thinking," he whispered to himself, entering the infirmary. He quickly spotted Laira and Jack-Junior, but he hesitated in the doorway. A small voice spoke in his head: _"Can you deny them? Is that what you really want? To give up and lose another family? Would it really be that hard to share their life?"_

Before Jack could contemplate this voice, Laira was by his side. It had not taken her long to notice him. Something about that bothered him. She had seen him and come over as if he would only come to the infirmary for her. Okay so he had, but that was not the point.

"Jack," Laira smiled, "I am glad that you could come and visit."

"Me, too," Jack nodded, smiling slightly awkwardly. Laira did not seem to notice. "Would you and Junior like to come for a walk?"

Laira smiled, handing Jack his son. Jack was a bit uncomfortable at first, but he soon became more at ease. Jack had not held a child for a long time, probably not since Charlie – his son. Jack could not even remember holding Charlie that much. He could not remember much about Charlie growing up. Maybe time had blurred the memories, or maybe he had been too busy working during Charlie's precious few years.

"Let's go," Jack said, breaking out of that train of thought. "I thought I'd take you both up to the surface. Show you Earth."

X X X X X

Sam had been helping Daniel all afternoon. There were a few planets that were uninhabited which would suit the Edorans. There were also three planets already inhabited. The two members of SG-1 had arranged with General Hammond for three missions to occur the following day. SG units 4, 7 and 12 would lead the recon. Sam now had one thing left to do before she could leave the base. She desperately wanted to be out of this base and out of this day. She wished that she could fall asleep and wake up, starting today all over again, like the time-loop O'Neill and Teal'c had once got trapped in. There was so much she would change if she could relive this day.

On her way to her on-base quarters, Sam checked in with an SF guard.

"Has, uh, Colonel O'Neill left the base yet?"

"Not that I know of, Major. But not everyone goes by me. You should check on the surface."

"No, it's okay. Thanks."

Sam resumed her journey to her quarters. Once there, Sam sat down on her bed with a pad of paper and a pen. She sighed deeply and began writing. She was not sure what she was writing or why she was writing it. Maybe she was taking the coward's way out after getting scared. Maybe she did not want to write this at all. Maybe she was just letting her doubts get the better of her. All Sam knew was that she had to write this letter. That it was the right thing to do. She spent ages on the letter, throwing away hundreds of rough drafts before finally getting it right. Folding the sheets in half and writing 'Jack' on the front, the letter was complete. All she had to do now was put it in his office and he would get it tonight. Even if he had already left, he would get it tomorrow before he had the chance to see her.

Okay so it was a cowardly way out, she knew that, but it was the only way.

X X X X X

Laira watched Jack playing with their son. She had dreamed of this for a long time - being a happy family, all three of them. She desperately wanted Jack to remain with them, but she knew that his heart belonged to another. She knew that on her own, Jack would not come to her and her people needed his expertise and skill.

He would accompany her with a son in the equation.

Jack turned to Laira, wondering what she had been thinking. "It's getting late. Junior's probably tired." In truth he had no idea of the time. He had been so caught up in playing with his son that everything else had disappeared from view.

"It is and he is. I just could not bring myself to disturb the two of you. He was really enjoying it. As were you."

"I was. I am." Jack passed Junior back to Laira and then looked at his watch. It read ten to eight. Time really had escaped him. "Damn!"

"What?" Laira asked, mirroring Jack's actions by getting to her feet.

"I'm late."

"I'm sorry," she apologised, before adding, "Late for what?"

He paused, unsure of what excuse to make and partly because she had asked. "I, uh, I arranged to meet someone." Jack could not, for some reason, tell her the truth. He might be a bit slow when it came to women and feelings, but he knew that Laira still had feelings for him. He could see it in her eyes and in her smile and he hated to think that he might be accidentally leading her on. It would be hard enough for him to tell her that he would be remaining on Earth, but to tell her that he was remaining to be with Carter? Even he was not that insensitive.

"Oh. I am sorry for keeping you." She knew that he was keeping something from her - she could see it in his slightly forced smile. Her tone easily reflected that she sensed something was wrong.

"Don't be sorry," he said, kissing Junior on the cheek and Laira on the forehead. "I'll see you tomorrow when hopefully we can find you guys a new home. I gotta go." With that he ran off.

Laira could not help it when a smile formed on her lips. Okay, so he had just run off, but he had kissed her first. Jack living with her was becoming a stronger possibility.

Then it hit her: _"…hopefully we can find you guys a new home."_ That was what he had said. _You guys_, not including him. Fear settled deep in the pit of her stomach. Fear that he would not be coming with her, that she would be losing him once more.

X X X X X

Jack had gone straight to his car, not bothering to get changed. He got to his house at half eight and, unsurprisingly, Carter was not there. She would not have waited around for him. She would have waited a few moments and then left, believing Jack to have chickened out. He would not let it end like that. He got straight back into his car and went around to Carter's. He could not let her believe that he had stood her up and that he had wimped out. He would never again be able to sleep properly for wondering what she was thinking about him, what names she was calling him in her anger. She would begin to hate him for making a fool of her. She would decide that he did not care for her if he could do that to her.

So much damage could be caused in just one night of thinking the wrong thing, of believing lies. They would never be able to repair all the damage that could occur.

Parking his car, Jack ran up to her door and began pounding on it as if his life depended on it. After what seemed like a millennium, she opened the door. She looked surprised to see him.

"Sir?" she asked as if she had never expected him to come to her house.

X X X X X

Sam opened her front door to see Colonel O'Neill standing in front of her. His face was slightly flushed and he was breathing unevenly. He looked as if he had run all the way here from the base. He was still in his fatigues, while Sam was dressed in a baggy sweatshirt and comfy jeans. She had planned on an evening of ice cream, cookies and weepy videos. She had never thought that he might come here after her.

"Sir? What's the matter?" she asked, presuming he had come straight from the SGC in an emergency. What was wrong with the telephone?

"I'm sorry. I got distracted at the base and missed you at mine. I'm so sorry. I wanted to meet you, I didn't want to stand you up because we still need to talk," he paused, finally taking a breath. "Can I come in?"

Sam stood there motionless. She had not expected this. She thought once he had read the letter he would never talk to her again. She had not even thought he would come over angry with her. Instead he had come over angry with himself which probably meant he had not even read the letter. He did not know that she had never gone to his or that she had never intended on meeting him.

"Carter? I mean, Sam?"

Silently and dazed, Sam moved to one side, allowing O'Neill entrance. She followed him into the living room. "Have a seat," she practically whispered.

He declined.

"Would you like a drink?" Again, he shook his head. "Anything?"

"Talk," he nodded. "I'd like to talk."

"Go ahead." To say that the two of them were both uncomfortable was an understatement. They both remained standing, as much distance between them as possible, neither looking at the other.

"What's changed, Sam? Earlier on, we seemed okay." O'Neill said. Somehow Sam knew this was not what he had planned to say.

"Well, I've been thinking since then, sir." He winced at the harsh formal tone to her voice. "I think it's best if we forget this afternoon and everything that's passed between us."

"Why?" She could feel his eyes on her, but Sam refused to look up from the floor.

She sighed deeply. "Because of our jobs. I can't risk my career on a relationship with my C.O. We can't have a relationship and work together. I don't want to be in a position where we have to choose who to save and we choose out of… feelings rather than…" she trailed off, wishing she had not said anything. She should have just lied to him. She should have told him that she did not care about him. He would object but he could not do anything about it. She looked at him. He was looking at the floor now. She could not lie to him or hurt him in that way. She looked back at the floor.

"Carter, you're forgetting something," he paused for a long time. He only began again when she finally looked up from the floor and their eyes met. She could kick herself for falling into his trap. He now knew that she was interested in hearing his answer. "Those feelings are already there," he continued, his eyes locked with hers, "on my part anyway. I've already been faced with those decisions, or are you forgetting that I killed you?" His eyes turned to the floor and she missed the contact. "I stood there with the Zat and I knew what I had to do. God, I didn't want to. If I could have found any other way… I had to. And it hurt. In effect I killed you. I didn't know that we could get you back. I really thought that I was ending your life. I'll never forget that pain."

Sam was watching him as he spoke and then he looked back at her, his eyes brimming with tears. "It would be different," she whispered. "Everyone would know. Everyone else would question our judgement. I've worked hard to become a major, to get respect from my fellow officers. I don't want others to think I got where I am by sleeping with the boss. I don't need any further prejudice."

The look in his eyes turned angry. "So let me get this straight. You're saying no to us, to your feelings because it might be too hard?"

"You don't understand," Sam ran her hands through her hair. She was getting frustrated. Why couldn't this all be simple? "I don't need, nor want any extra hassle."

"Bullshit, Carter."

"Excuse me?" she said in amazement.

"You're scared."

She shook her head. "No. I'm not," she replied vehemently.

"Yes, you are. I don't know what of, but you are."

"No! I'm not!" she screamed.

He crossed the room in two large steps and grabbed her by the arms. "What are you scared of?" he demanded, his grip tightening.

She looked at the floor again as her body shook. "Alright, I am scared."

He released his grip on her, but stayed close. "Of what?" he whispered.

Slowly she met his gaze, her eyes now the ones glistening with tears. "Of losing you," she whispered. She had finally admitted her life's greatest fear and now that she had started she could not stop. "Everyone I've ever cared for leaves. My mom died, my dad doesn't live on the planet and I killed Martouf. Just look at Martouf, Narim, Orlin and the rest. SG-1 is all I have and I'm petrified of losing any of you. I don't exactly have a good track record with guys. They end up dead. And I know what it's like to kill someone you care about. I killed Martouf, and there was no way of getting him back. I don't want to feel that kind of pain with you." By now tears were rolling down her face.

He wiped at the tears with his thumbs. "You're not going to lose me, Sam."

It was not just the thought of losing him that Sam feared. It was also the fear of hurting him. "What about your son? I can't ask you to leave him. I wouldn't ask that."

"You don't need to. I've never wanted anything more than a family-"

She cut him off. "I can't give you one."

"Will you let me finish?" he asked. "But the same goes for my job. I've tried working and having a family. Charlie," he did not need to say anymore on that subject. "I don't want that to happen again."

"What are you saying?" Sam could only whisper out her question.

"I'm saying that with Junior on another planet and me visiting him, I can have the family and career without the risk."

She looked at him in disgust and pulled away. She felt physically sick. "So you're saying that at weekends you could have her and me during the week. I don't think so," she shook her head.

"What? No." Jack stepped toward her, his hands up to stop her from backing away. "I don't … feel like that for Laira. I never did. Not as much as I feel for you. I'm not gonna be… Carter, how could you think that? I meant that I could see Junior."

"Really?" Sam asked, a very innocent and naïve tone to her voice. She was a very confident person in every way, but not when it came to her in these situations. She had tried to be stronger after her disastrous relationship with Jonas, but she had not exactly had a serious relationship since him.

Jack smiled and moved closer, he tilted her face up to his. "Yes, really." He was so close now that each could feel the other's breath on their face. Jack was sure that Sam could feel his heart beating - then again it was racing way too fast. Past experiences told him that he should not be more nervous of a second kiss than the first, but this was different. This was not on the base, surrounded by rules and regulations. This was not in a small cubicle rather this was in Sam's house where a kiss held the potential to lead to a whole lot more.

He paused just before his lips met hers. "Say now if you don't want this, Sam, because after this … there's no going back," he whispered. Part of him was expecting her to pull away. She did not. Another part expected her to nod and let him continue. His fantasy involved her leading them into her bedroom. None of those happened though. Instead, Sam kissed him, a slow kiss that took Jack by surprise at first.

But only at first.

X X X X X

End of Chapter One.


	2. MT1 Chapter 2

**More Than I'm Supposed To: Chapter Two**

Sam slowly began to wake up. She could not fail to remember the events from the night before. Feeling the comforting warmth behind her, Sam smiled. She felt the arm holding her tighten as Jack awoke.

"Morning," he said, moving back slightly and turning Sam onto her back. He smiled at her before kissing her briefly and deeply.

"Morning to you, too," she smiled.

"I've got to ask."

"What?"

"Any regrets?"

She smiled wider, feeling as if she may be blushing. "No. Not one. You?"

He nodded and she got instantly worried despite the tenderness in his touch. "That we have to leave here," Jack smiled.

Sam playfully swatted him on the arm. "You scared me."

"You never have to be scared again, Sam. Never," Jack said as his face and tone turned serious again.

Before Sam could reply, her alarm went off, spoiling the moment. Sam sat up and turned off the alarm. "We should go to work."

Jack nodded. "Dinner tonight? Mine?"

"Definitely," Sam replied, smiling happily.

Sam was glad that she and Jack had decided to go to work separately. Not only because of what questions that would raise with others, but also because soon after waking up, Sam had remembered the letter she had left for Jack; the letter describing how them kissing was a mistake, how she did not care for him as much as he did for her. The letter basically said that Sam wanted Jack to leave. She had not meant it, but she had been scared. She had to stop him from reading the letter and from hurting him without need. Sam also knew that they still had a lot to discuss, thoughts of the regulations and their team were not far from her mind.

On her way through the SGC, Sam passed the infirmary. She had to see Janet and now was as good a time as any. Entering the infirmary, Sam's gaze fell on Laira. Even though Jack had said that he felt nothing for Laira, Sam still felt jealous. Especially when Laira was holding Jack's son, reminding Sam of what she could not give Jack. He had said that he was okay with that, but Sam was not sure if she was.

Laira had spotted her and was now heading over with Jack-Junior. "Major Carter," the other woman greeted.

"Hi," Sam hoped that she was not displaying how uncomfortable she felt. Jack-Junior reached out to Sam and she let him grab her finger.

"We did not get chance to talk yesterday."

Sam nodded. "Busy with work and a couple of crises." Like sleeping with your Jack, she thought to herself.

"I spent the day with my people and Colonel O'Neill."

Sam was slightly taken aback. "Oh. Did you … have fun?" Sam tried to keep the shock from her voice, but Laira's gave it away that Laira had noticed.

"Yes," Laira replied, smiling ecstatically. "Jack gets on well with his son and Junior likes his father." Laira paused, her tone changing. "I have asked Colonel O'Neill to come with us. Do you think that he will?"

For an instant Sam thought she heard something in Laira's voice, something that implied she did not actually want an answer, she just wanted to let Sam know.

"Sam?" Sam turned to see Janet standing in the doorway to her office. "What are you doing here?"

"Need to talk to you actually." Sam turned back to Laira and took her finger back from Jack-Junior. "Excuse me."

Sam followed Janet into her office and exhaled deeply once the door was closed, relief flooded through her body.

Janet smiled. "Did I just save you from a bad situation?"

"Don't ask."

"Sam, I remember when Colonel O'Neill was on Edora-"

Sam cut her friend off. "Trust me, Janet, it's all okay."

"Why do you need to see me then?"

"I need you to be a doctor and not Janet."

"Okay," Janet said, slightly confused. "How can I help you, Major Carter?"

Sam could feel her cheeks begin to burn in embarrassment. "I … I need the morning after pill."

Janet looked shocked. "Sam-"

"I'm your patient, doctor. I don't need a lecture, okay? The evening was not planned so I had no protection. I just need the pill. This won't happen again."

"It might take a while to get. We don't exactly keep that on base. I'll bring it to your quarters later."

"Thank-you, Janet."

"We're gonna talk later," Janet promised and Sam smiled as she left. She would be in for the third degree later on.

After her visit to the infirmary, Sam went straight to Jack's office. Checking that there was no one around, Sam opened the door and snuck in. She left the door open slightly as she went over to Jack's desk to retrieve the letter. She soon discovered that it was not there. It had to be somewhere, she thought, it could not just have disappeared.

Then she heard the door close behind her.

"Looking for something?" It was Jack.

Sam turned around slowly. Jack must have been hiding behind the door, waiting for her to show up. He was standing in front of the door, the letter in his right hand and an angry look on his face.

"Jack-"

He cut her off. "Care to explain this." He held the letter up.

"I … it … uh … well," This was turning into a nightmare. Any minute now he would start reading from the letter just to increase her nervousness and embarrassment.

"Is it true? Do you mean it?"

She shook her head. "Let me explain. Try to anyway. You were meant to get it yesterday."

"What? So you meant this then, but because we slept together you don't anymore?"

"No, we weren't meant to sleep together."

He shook his head, unable to look her in the eye. "You're digging yourself deeper, Carter."

She groaned in annoyance noticing he had gone back to calling her Carter. "After we kissed, I decided that a relationship was the wrong path for us to take, but I changed my mind."

"Why?" Jack asked, his tone softening slightly. Some of the anger left his eyes as well, as did some of the pain she could see there.

She knew there was one answer to question despite the nagging voices in her mind which kept shouting _Regulations_ at her. Regulations and fear concerning her career might be what still worried her, but it was not what made her scared the most concerning him. "I need you to know that this is hard for me to … admit. You were right when you said that I was scared. I … I have a fear of commitment."

"Really?" he asked very sarcastically. She looked at him, a hurt expression on her face.

"Oh, and you don't," she said angrily. "The truth is that I have never told someone that I love them. I've always been too scared to let anyone know that I care for them, to let anyone in too close. See, when I do they leave me. Always. Before Martouf died," she had never told anyone this before and it was hard to say. "Before he died, he said that he was very fond of me. I just smiled at him. I couldn't even say that he was a good friend and then he died. Everyone in my life either dies or goes to another planet. I got scared about you so I wrote that letter. I've always been scared to love." There was a long pause. "Until now," she whispered.

"What are you saying, Sam?" Jack asked, stepping closer to her.

Sam moved toward Jack, her lips curving into a smile. "I'm saying, Jack, that I love you."

Jack had obviously not quite been expecting that. "I-" he was cut off by a knock on the door. "I should get that."

Sam nodded as Jack moved away from her, toward the door and opened it. Sam felt rejected, like she had all her life. After her mother had died, Sam's Dad had thrown himself into his work to the point of neglecting his children. Sam had felt rejected ever since despite how she and her father had reconciled their differences. She had been scared of letting anyone too close ever since. She had been engaged briefly, to Jonas Hanson, but she had believed that her inability to say _'I love you'_ had meant that she did not love him. He had showed her love though, in his lunatic way, and that was why she had naively stayed with him.

It was Daniel at the door. "Hey Jack…. Sam, I was looking for you, too."

"Well, you found us both, Danny-boy," Jack said. He did not exactly seem angry at being interrupted, Sam thought. Maybe she was just being paranoid Sam considered, but to her he seemed glad of the interruption.

"What's up?" Jack asked.

"We made contact with Tuplo from the Land of Light and he should be here in an hour. General Hammond wants you both there."

Jack nodded and glanced over at Sam. She met his gaze. His eyes seemed to apologise to her, but she was not sure for what. Without a word, he left leaving Sam with an answer.

He was apologising for not loving her back.

X X X X X

That was the second briefing in as many days when Sam had not heard a word that was spoken. This was not like her. She normally focused everything on her work. This was another reason she had never allowed herself to love because she had believed that her work would have suffered. She had been right and for all of her adult life, Sam had put work first. That seemed all the more important since she started working on the Stargate programme and now nothing seemed more important than what she fought for daily. All Sam knew about the briefing was that the Edorans were allowed to go and live on the Land of Light, but that was a last option if the few uninhabited planets which needed scouting were not viable.

Sam also knew that Jack had kept trying to make eye contact with her throughout the briefing. She had managed to avoid his eyes until near the end of the briefing and when their eyes did meet, it was like the rest of the room vanished. It had fallen silent, leaving just Sam and Jack alone in the room. Nothing else had mattered. And it was in his eyes that Sam had seen something that confused her. She had taken the pessimistic train of thought after Daniel had interrupted them, but in that second when she had looked in Jack's eyes, Sam felt some whispers of optimism.

Now, Sam was sitting on the edge of her bed, holding the packet that Janet had just dropped off. Janet had not questioned Sam further, but she would eventually. Sam was so confused concerning her relationship with Jack, probably because for the first time, Sam had admitted she loved someone and she had not heard the words spoken back to her. Not that any of that made any difference to the packet of pills she held in her hands. It did not matter if Jack loved her or not. It did not matter if they were about to embark on a relationship together or if they were destined to be commanding officer and second in command forever. Whatever happened or did not happen, Sam could not have a child right now.

So why was she pausing at taking this pill?

X X X X X

Laira was waiting for Jack outside of the briefing room. She was glad and extremely thankful that her people now had a home. She wanted to thank Jack and see if he had an answer for her. Throughout the meeting, Laira had watched Jack. His gaze had remained on Major Carter for the entirety. Laira had always known that he had feelings for his junior officer. She knew that the only reason why they had ever had a relationship was because Jack was stranded light years from his home. She had known then that he had feelings for Samantha Carter. She knew that when he was with her part of his mind had been with Carter. It had been easier back then for her to have him when he loved another. This time it would be much more difficult. She had little to her advantage, little to bargain with, but she needed him with her. She needed a father for her child and she wanted the man that she loved.

"Jack," Laira said as soon as Jack exited the briefing room.

"Laira," Jack replied in slight shock.

"I did not mean to startle you."

"What did you, uh, want?" Jack said getting straight to the point, Laira noticed. She ignored it.

"The teams that have…how do you say _'scouted'_ the uninhabited planets, they return in a few hours, correct?"

"Yeah, Hammond just told us that." Laira stared at Jack gauging his mood. He seemed angry or displeased with her, as if he did not want to be anywhere near her right now. His expression suggested that he did not like her at the moment. Laira suddenly faltered in her original intentions. She feared that he would rebuke her if she were to repeat her question, to force him into a decision. "Laira? I hate to rush you or seem… offish, but I have a… conversation that I need to finish."

"Oh!" Laira said, smiling in realisation that he was not mad at her simply busy. "I was wondering if you had come to a decision yet." Laira saw the hesitation on Jack's face, the hesitation that said he was about to deliver bad news. She had to stop him before he said no. She had to persuade him that a life with her was for the best. "I mean," Laira continued, "I know that it's not definite where my people are to live, but we will know soon. My people do not need much time to prepare for the move, but if you were to say yes you would require time."

"Laira…" he tried to object, but Laira continued. She could not let him say that he needed more time or that he was going to stay here with Carter.

"I do so wish that you will want to be with us. I still have feelings for you, Jack. I believe that is obvious. But I am not asking you purely for selfish reasons, my son… our son," she amended, "needs a father. He needs you, Jack, and I do not believe that you would turn your back on him."

Jack stood there, flabbergasted. "Laira, I really have to be somewhere else right now," he said angrily.

She knew that she should not have pushed him. "I just need an answer, Jack. I need to know if you're willing to be a father to your child."

"I'm beginning to think that you're trying to emotionally blackmail me and I don't respond well to that."

Laira began to sob. She knew that she had gone too far, that unless she tried something drastic he would get angrier and rebuke her. "I… I just… It has been so hard, Jack, bringing him up. We barely had any planet left and then the fighting began. Everyone turned to me, expecting me to lead them. I didn't know what to do, how to lead. When we all returned to our world I could lead them. But I could not lead a fight nor a defence against people I had once called friends. I had to look after my son and my people. At first I had help. Garan was a great help and he was the only one to whom I could talk. I couldn't tell the others how unsure I was for they looked up to me. But then… then Garan died. I had to grieve the loss of my eldest child, of my world and of you, while trying to be a mother and a leader. I can no longer cope and I came here for help. I came here for you. I am sorry, I just got desperate." By this point Laira was sobbing into her hands. She became aware of Jack's arms going around her, holding her and comforting her. It was then that for the first time in months, Laira finally released her burden.

X X X X X

Sam was walking along one of the many corridors of the SGC. While sitting alone and thinking, She had decided to swallow her pride and question Jack. After he had not been able to respond to her admission of love, Sam had panicked. But then something in the briefing had changed her mind. Sam had checked O'Neill's office and quarters, but had not found him there. She had then gone to the infirmary in the possibility that Jack was visiting either Laira or his child. He had not been there and neither had Laira. Sam turned the corner to the corridor where the stairs up to the control and briefing room were. She paused dead in her tracks as she felt her heart rip in two. This time there was no possibility of her getting the wrong end of the stick. She suddenly had difficulty breathing. She felt like she could not breathe, like she was drowning. She turned and fled, pushing past airmen that stood in her way.

She came to a stop. She was breathing in short, shallow gasps and her vision had blurred. She leant against the nearest object of support that she could find. Everything began to spin and she felt like she was losing control. She felt like her heart had stopped beating and that she was dying in slow motion. She prayed that it would soon be over. She wished that this had not begun, that she had not seen what she had. But she had seen the scene and there was no going back now. She sank to the floor and sat there in shock, staring at the opposite wall and no longer trusting her legs to hold her weight.

"Sam?" a voice asked. Sam felt a hand come to rest on her shoulder and she looked up, hoping to see the one person who could make her better. It was not the person that Sam had been hoping for. "Sam, what's the matter?" Daniel asked his voice thick with concern. Just thinking of the answer made Sam shake her head and Daniel sat down and pulled her into a hug as a source of comfort.

How long they remained sat on the floor neither knew. Finally Daniel released Sam, but kept a hand on her arm as comfort for her. "Sam, what happened?" He had never seen Sam this upset before, not over anything. He had no idea what could make her this upset, but he could guess that it had something to do with Jack. This was what Daniel had always feared – that Jack would hurt her.

"I've made such a fool of myself, Daniel," Sam declared.

"Why? What have you done?"

"Where do you want me to start?" Sam asked, thinking of everything that had happened in just over twenty-four hours. What should she tell him first? That she had slept with Jack. That she had risked her career and everything that she had always worked for. That she was in love with Jack and she had told him. That Jack had…

"Start with what's making you cry like this."

"What's made me this upset?" she asked rhetorically and with a hint of anger. "I just saw," Sam answered, speaking slowly. She paused, "I just saw Colonel O'Neill and Laira…" she could not finish the sentence.

"What? You saw Jack and Laira what?"

She looked up and looked Daniel straight in the eye. He no longer saw sadness and hurt in her eyes, now he saw anger. "Kissing. Making out. Betraying me."

Now Daniel was even more confused. "Betraying you?" He could see how she would be upset at seeing them kiss, but not why she would be this upset at it. It was well known that Sam and Jack had feelings for one another, but that they refused to act upon those feelings. What Daniel could not see was how Jack and Laira kissing could betray Sam.

Sam laughed. "Sounds absurd, doesn't it?" She laughed again. "I mean, sure we admitted to feelings over a year ago, but it doesn't mean that we owe each other anything. Does it?"

Daniel was unsure of how to respond. With a normal near-hysterical female, saying the wrong thing could lead to her killing you. Daniel doubted that in this situation, Sam was any different to other women. "No," he whispered, mentally preparing himself for the tirade that followed.

Sam inhaled deeply. What she was about to say would shock Daniel immensely – she was still in shock. "Except, normally after you've slept with someone you do owe them something."

Daniel did a double-take. "You… Jack… You…"

Sam looked Daniel directly in the eye. "We slept together. Last night. It's a long story. I can't explain it." She paused to let the news sink in, leaning her head backwards against the wall and closing her eyes. "I told him that I loved him," she whispered.

Daniel stared at her in shock. He could not believe that his two best-friends had finally acted on their suppressed feelings. He could not believe that Sam had told him she loved him. Most of all, Daniel could not believe that Jack would be that cruel and heartless. "Sam, I…" he did not know what to say. 'I'm sorry' was always so pathetic. Words could rarely ever make someone better in these situations.

Sam shook her head. "Don't worry, Daniel. It's okay." Sam forced herself to smile. "I'm going to go and sleep. I really feel like sleeping for a few … years."

"Sam…" Daniel started, but she cut him off.

"I'll be okay. Make excuses for me, please. I think I should take a few days off. Please don't tell anyone anything. Not J… Colonel O'Neill, the General, Janet."

Daniel nodded. "I'll phone you later. Answer the phone," he commanded.

"Okay," she nodded. "Thank-you."

Daniel smiled at her and watched her leave. He stood up and shook his head. If he saw Jack, he would kill him.

X X X X X

Sam made her way up to the surface and her car all the time keeping herself calm. She had emptied her mind - just the thought of everything made her want to scream, cry, kick something, be sick. She could not understand how she felt, how one small image made her feel like this. The confusion opened up everything else and she felt it all again. The pain, anger and sorrow welled within her again. She could not fight it anymore and with absolutely no control, Sam vomited down the side of someone's car.

"I should do something about that," Sam whispered to herself. She considered her options and decided that they all took too long and she really needed to get home. She took a moment to recover before getting into her car and going home. She needed to find a way to forget everything, to forget him.

X X X X X

_'I must be in one of those bad dreams,'_ Jack thought to himself, _'one of those that you have no idea how you got into or how to get out of.'_

He really had no idea how this happened. One minute, Laira was emotionally blackmailing him into leaving Earth. The next, she was crying her eyes out with such genuine pure emotion that he truly never saw it coming. He had been holding her as she sobbed and then she was kissing him. Out of nowhere, her lips were on his and he was at a loss as to what to do. He was stunned, paralysed practically and unable to think.

Then he snapped out of it. He pushed Laira away from him as he pulled back, maximising the distance between them. He glared at her angrily. "What was that?" he growled.

She looked up at him in confusion. "I thought…" she trailed off, looking down at the floor in embarrassment.

"You thought what? I was comforting you, Laira. Comforting someone who's upset is not an invitation for anything else. What were you thinking?" Jack knew what Laira had been thinking. He knew that she still had feelings toward him, feelings that he had never fully reciprocated. From the beginning, Jack had known that having Laira here could be dangerous, but what could he have done?

"I thought that it was what you wanted." There was a new, never before heard, harshness to her voice and Jack did not like it. He released her shoulders from his firm grip and took a further step away from her.

"Well it wasn't," he replied, his voice low and dark. "I haven't wanted that for a long time and I won't be coming with you." He had not fully made up his mind until that very second. He did not care what happened between Carter and himself, he would not be going to live with Laira. No reason in the world could persuade him otherwise.

"Not even for your son," she spat in reply.

Jack's eyes narrowed in disgust and anger. "I will not shirk my responsibilities as a father. Never question that. I will visit, he can stay with me, but I will not leave Earth. Is that clear?"

"I do not need a part-time father for my son. I do not want any help from you."

"Fine. Now if you'll excuse me, I have somewhere else I would rather much be." He stormed off not even waiting for a reply from her. He had never realised before how manipulative she was or had become. What else had he missed?

X X X X X

Daniel was still fuming as he walked through the base to his quarters. Everyone knew that Jack was an awkward character with as much subtlety as a sledgehammer, but even Daniel was surprised at his latest trick. What was Jack thinking, sleeping with a subordinate and then getting together with his previous partner? More confusing was how Jack could be so insensitive, hurting Sam like that. As Daniel turned a corner he came face to face with the object of his rage.

"Daniel," Jack said, "have you seen Carter?"

Daniel could not believe the man's nerve. "Excuse me?"

"Carter – have you seen her?" Jack repeated slower.

"Why are you looking for her?" _'To dump more pain on her?'_ Daniel added to himself.

"Because," Jack answered.

Daniel laughed. "You are unbelievable."

Jack looked at his best friend in confusion. "What have I done?"

Daniel merely smiled, before his anger erupted. With a force Daniel rarely ever used, he punched Jack in the face. Jack fell to the floor. Daniel quickly composed himself. "You son-of-a-bitch."

Jack sat up, a look of confusion and absolute shock on his face. His left hand came up to the left hand side of his face – where Daniel had just punched him. "What have I done?" His normal response to being hit would be to hit straight back, or to have seen it coming and pre-empting it. Jack had never seen this coming from Daniel.

Daniel looked at his so-called friend incredulously. "How dumb are you?"

Before Jack could answer, another's voice entered the exchange. It was Teal'c who had just run along the corridor. "O'Neill, Jackson, what is the matter?"

"What's the matter, Teal'c?" Jack asked sarcastically as the large Jaffa helped the fallen man up. "I'll tell you what's the matter. Danny-boy here just hit me!"

Teal'c looked at Daniel then at Jack then back at Daniel. "Doctor Jackson?"

Daniel nodded. "I hit him and if you knew what I knew, you'd hit him, too."

Teal'c continued looking at Daniel, deciding it was the younger man who had the problem. "I foresee no situation that would require me to harm Colonel O'Neill other than alien possession."

"Jack," Daniel said, turning to the man who was now wiping blood from his mouth, "you want to know where Sam is?"

Jack's eyes narrowed in thought. "Does this have anything to do with Carter? Did you hit me because of Sam?" Jack asked, unusually calling his junior officer by her first name.

"She told me not to tell you, to keep what she told me a secret."

This time it was Jack who lost his temper. He charged at the doctor, pinning his shoulders up against a nearby wall. "What happened?" he demanded through gritted teeth.

By this point Teal'c was thoroughly confused. At first he had believed that something was wrong with Daniel either alien virus or alien replacement. Now, Teal'c was not so sure that the problem was alien at all. Fearing the younger man's life, Teal'c stood at Daniel and Jack's side. "Colonel O'Neill, I believe you should release Doctor Jackson."

"Not until he answers me, Teal'c." Jack replied, hitting Daniel against the wall to emphasise the question's importance. "What did Sam tell you? Where did she go?"

Daniel defiantly looked the stronger man in the eye. "She saw you."

"Saw me what?"

"She saw you betraying her." Daniel shook his head in disgust as Jack's grip loosened slightly. "How could you?"

Jack was confused at first. Betrayed her? He had not betrayed Sam. Unless… He released his grip on Daniel completely. "You don't understand."

"I don't care," Daniel shrugged. "You can do whatever you want, but you hurt Sam again…" he left the threat open.

"Where is she?" Jack asked all of the anger had evaporated from his voice and stance.

"She doesn't want you to know," Daniel answered. Daniel had been angry with Jack, but now he was beginning to feel sorry for the other man who clearly had little idea of what was going on.

Jack nodded, knowing that Daniel would not betray his friend's trust. "It's not what you think," he whispered before walking off.

Teal'c turned to Daniel. "What is the matter with Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter?"

Daniel looked at Teal'c. "I think … that things have changed and that nothing will be the same again." Teal'c raised an eyebrow in response.

X X X X X

Sam inhaled deeply, pausing at the entrance to a local club. Due to her busy work life, Sam had not gone out to a club or bar in months apart from on the odd occasion when she went to O'Malley's with SG-1. She had gone home simply to get changed for the club. She feared that Jack would come looking for her and he would never search the clubs as it would never occur to him that she would be anywhere like that. While driving from the base to her house, Sam had phoned an old friend from college who lived in Colorado. The friend had arranged to meet her in the club later on.

It was a weird phenomenon for her, but Sam was scared. She was a major in the US air force who travelled to other planets on a weekly basis, who fought Goa'uld and a whole host of other nasty aliens yet she was afraid of entering a club on her own. Sam shook her head – tonight was the night for forgetting about the past few days, forgetting about Samantha Carter in general and just getting really drunk. _'Well,'_ Sam thought to herself, _'the earlier you start getting drunk, the sooner you'll forget about everything'._ Gathering together all of her confidence, Sam entered the club. She easily got past the men at the door and Sam removed her black leather jacket, leaving it with a woman in charge of the cloakroom. For a few seconds Sam's arms and legs felt bare and cold. As she stepped through an archway into a dark passage, Sam began to warm up. The short passageway ended at a staircase, which led down to the main dance floor. From here, Sam could see the many coloured lights lighting up the dance floor.

Sam felt like she had been whisked back in time to her teenage years. Granted the music and fashion were both different but the atmosphere and the smell was the same. She walked down the darkly lit stairs and into the main area. There was a large crowded dance floor at the foot of the stairs and a bar on its left hand side. As she reached the bottom of the stairs, Sam coughed slightly due to the smoky environment.

_'A drink would be good,_' Sam thought to herself. Alcohol always bolstered her confidence. When she was younger, a few drinks would have Sam inebriated, but over the course of her military career she had learnt to drink like every male officer around her. It would cost a lot for her to get drunk enough to erase the past few days from her mind.

Sam got to the bar and a barman came over. "What can I do for you?" he asked.

Sam paused. Out with the guys she would drink beers, but there were plenty of other drinks that had higher alcoholic content. "Something with a high alcoholic content, please," Sam answered and for an unknown reason she found herself smiling.

The barman nodded and smiled back. "Sure thing." He returned a few minutes later with a pint glass full of green liquid. "Here you go."

"What on Earth is it?" Sam laughed.

"It's called a Juicy Loosey. Each glass has five different shots." Sam raised her eyebrows. "For maximal effect down it," he advised.

She was about to take a sip when she paused. "If this has five shots in it, is it going to bankrupt me?"

The barman laughed. "No. On Tuesdays the house drink is the cheapest drink going."

Needing no more encouragement, Sam raised the glass. "Cheers," she said before downing the drink. She put the glass back on the bar and looked at the barman. "Well, it doesn't seem … whoa!"

The barman smiled, his eyes lighting up. "Got a kick, hasn't it?"

"Oh, yeah," Sam replied, her eyes beginning to water. "Now that is a drink." She could feel her head begin to swim already and she even found that she was starting to forget.

"Can I get the lady another one?" Sam turned to the source of the voice. Standing to her left was a tall, brunette man. He wore simple black trousers and a dark blue shirt, which had the top two buttons undone.

"Sure," Sam agreed, taking the man's outstretched hand.

"I'm Jordan," he introduced, shaking her hand.

"My name's Samantha." He had a nice voice, she noted as they released hands.

"That's a pretty name," he remarked as the barman brought over Sam's second drink and the man's. "Thanks," Jordan said, handing over some money. "What are you doing here then?" he asked.

Sam carefully thought out the answer in her head first. "I'm having a well-deserved break from normality."

"Normality doesn't involve clubbing then?" he asked as he took a sip of his drink.

Sam smiled. "Normality rarely means getting drunk, but tonight is the exception."

"I sense you're not telling me everything."

"I've had a bad few days. Trust me when I say we should leave it at that." There was a short pause before Sam changed the subject slightly. "What are you doing here then, Jordan?"

"I come here every week."

"Got a lot of girlfriends then do you?" she smiled.

"Not exactly. What is it that you do?"

This was part of the reason why Sam did not like going out. If she ever wanted to form a relationship with someone she met in a club or bar, she would have to lie from practically the beginning. She decided to be blunt. "I'm here to get drunk and forget about my life."

"Fair enough," Jordan said, "No more personal questions, I'll just help you get wrecked. Deal?"

Sam downed another pint of the very alcoholic green liquid and then turned to Jordan. "Deal," she agreed. "My round."

X X X X X

Jack pounded his fist on Sam's door harder and harder. He had searched the entire base for Sam before heading off to her home. There were no lights on and no one was answering the door. Jack refused to give up. He had to find her. She must have seen Laira kissing him, Jack had decided, he could see no other reason for Daniel to be so angry. He had to find Sam and tell her the truth. None of this would have happened if Daniel had not interrupted them earlier. Yes, Jack had been shocked at Sam's declaration of love and yes part of him was pleased that Daniel had turned up. For Jack it was hard to discuss his feelings. His ex-wife would agree with that. Jack had a tendency to run away from his feelings, to dismiss them as if they meant nothing. It was for that reason that Jack had been glad when Daniel had interrupted. Jack knew that he loved Sam, that he could not see life without her in it somehow, someway. But it was one thing to know what you feel and a completely different thing to say how you feel. Even when he was in a relationship with someone, Jack would rarely ever say _'I love you'_.

He did love Sam, though and he had to find her to tell her that. He could not let her mind dream up scenarios surrounding what she had seen. He could not let her believe for one second longer that he had betrayed her or that he did not love her. Yesterday, Jack was fine and able to live with Sam being just Major Carter, his subordinate officer, his team mate and friend. After the actions of last night, Jack could not live with Sam being anything less than his.

He had to find her.

He had to tell her.

He was in love with Sam.

X X X X X

Among the large crowd of people on the dance floor, one female in particular was dancing as if there were no tomorrow. The female was attracting most of the male attention in the whole club. Her body moved to the beat of the mid-tempo song playing, while her eyes were closed. Samantha opened her eyes and smiled as she continued to dance. She had lost count of the amount of drinks that had been bought for her, but she knew that she had bought herself only three. The other drinks had been bought by a multitude of men. She would have a few drinks with a guy and then start dancing, one by one for whatever reason the guys made their excuses and left. Samantha was not sure of the reasons exactly, maybe it was because they could not keep up with her drinking or dancing or maybe it was because she was not as easy as some guys had first thought.

What Samantha did know was that the outfit that she had thrown together that evening ensured that when one guy gave up, another was already waiting. She was wearing a light blue shirt, which was unbuttoned to be revealing, but not too revealing. The skirt she wore also revealed a lot of her legs, but it was long enough to not ride up too far while dancing. Samantha was beginning to wish that she had worn something a bit less on top as it was starting to get hot. Opting for the only other possibility, Samantha headed over to the bar and called over the barman. It was the same one from earlier – the cute young one with short black hair.

"Can I get a water, please?" Samantha asked, "With lots of ice," she added.

"Sure," the barman said, walking over to a fridge and getting a bottle of water. He brought the bottle over to her and retrieved a glass. Opening the bottle, the barman made conversation. "Where's the guy you were talking to earlier?"

Samantha had no idea to whom he was referring. If she could remember correctly, the first man was named Jordan. Then there was Simon, followed by Tom and then Alex. "Couldn't hack the pace," she smiled.

The barman laughed. "You do seem to be enjoying yourself. A lot."

"I … need to get away from real-life," Samantha explained as near to the truth as possible. She hardly wanted to tell some stranger about her tangled love life and desire to forget the events of the previous night.

"Must be a bit hard for an officer to do," he remarked, pouring the water into the glass and adding some ice-cubes.

Samantha looked up, shocked by his comment. "How do…?"

"Simple," he answered, handing her the glass, "Firstly, there are only two types of women that come in here. The first are the easy lays of which you're not a member. The second are officers stationed up at Cheyenne Mountain. Plus," he added, "you're wearing your dog-tags."

Samantha smiled, fingering the dog-tags that were still around her neck. "How do you know I'm not a member of both groups?" She raised the glass to her mouth and began drinking.

The barman considered Samantha for a while and she liked the feel of his eyes on her. "Hot?" he asked, seemingly dismissing her question.

Samantha nodded. "They should get better air conditioning in here."

"The only windows in this place are by the toilets. I suggest that you cool down there for a while," the barman advised, pointing out where they were.

"Thanks," Samantha answered, "maybe I'll go out there after I dance a bit more." She finished her glass of water and then left the cute barman to do his job.

A while later, Samantha decided to follow the barman's advice to cool down by the toilets. She was disappointed that her friend had failed to show up yet, but she was having a perfectly good time on her own. She was hardly on her own, though. Singing quietly along to the loud music playing, Samantha headed to the toilets. It was marginally quieter here and she did not like it. The loud music that had been playing all night long had blocked Samantha's thought processes. Now, in the quieter area, Samantha's thoughts began to resurface.

_Jack … Laira … Betrayal … Sleeping with her C.O. …_

Samantha shook her head, trying to shake the thoughts out of her head. It failed to work. Samantha bumped into someone, successfully removing all thoughts of Colonel O'Neill. It was the cute barman.

"Sorry," Samantha said, "I wasn't looking where I was going."

The barman shook his head. "No problem." They both fell silent, neither making a move to leave. Samantha did not know his reasons for not moving, but her motives were that the room was beginning to spin. She had drunk a lot more than she had realised. "You okay?" the barman asked.

Samantha nodded and instantly regretted it. "I think I just need another drink," she replied as she turned around and began to head back to the bar.

The barman caught her arm at the elbow. "I don't think so," he advised.

"What?" she asked with confusion on her face.

"I think you've had enough. Come on, I'll get you a cab," he offered.

She shook her head and he released her arm. "I'm fine and you're … at work."

He shrugged. "Someone will cover for me."

"You sure?" she asked and he nodded. "Okay," she said as she allowed herself to be led out of the club with the barman.

X X X X X

Jack had not slept well. He had abandoned his search of Sam sometime around one in the morning. After checking her house he had resorted to checking some of their local hangouts, her local bars and restaurants. After they had all closed, Jack had gone back to Sam's house and waited at her door for a few hours. When it had got cold and he realised that she would not return to her own bed he had given up. Jack had never even made it to his bed when he got home. He did not want to go to sleep, for fear of what dreams would come. He had phoned Janet and Daniel during the course of yesterday and neither had seen Sam. Therefore, Jack knew that Sam was neither at their house nor in her own house. He did not want to sleep and have dreams of where she was, or whom she was with. It was because of this that Jack awoke bright and early on his couch, the television still on. He had not slept well. Tossing and turning and waking up constantly.

He blinked sleepily before sitting up and stretching out the kinks formed from the awkward small couch. He groaned, momentarily forgetting why he had slept on the couch. And then it all came flooding back to him – Sam and sex, Laira and kissing, Daniel and violence.

Without further hesitation, Jack jumped up, found his car keys and ran out of his house. Jack got into his car and drove to Sam's place, only stopping for red lights. When Jack reached Sam's, he quickly ran from his car and began knocking on Sam's front door. It seemed like an eternity before the door finally opened. "Sam, I…" Jack stopped, looking in confusion at the person who had opened the door. "You're not Sam," he stated obviously.

"No," the man replied. His voice was husky from sleep, his hair mussed and he wore only his underwear.

"Dare I ask where she is?"

"Still in bed. It was a late night."

Jack nodded. "I bet it was." He knew that this man standing before him probably had no idea about Sam's other relationships, but that did not bother Jack. All Jack knew was that two nights ago Sam had slept with him and last night she had slept with this man. That made Jack angry and just slightly irrational. The anger and irrationality took over him and Jack punched the unaware half-asleep man.

"What the…?" The man said, holding his now bleeding nose.

Jack shook with rage and then realised that he was angry with the wrong person. He should not be upset with an outsider who had been used by Sam. No, Jack should be angry with Sam. "Sorry," Jack mumbled an apology. "You're welcome to her," he spat. Angrily Jack walked back to his car and he drove off. After ten minutes of aimless driving, Jack pulled the car over. He punched the steering wheel in anger, frustration and every other emotion he could think of. There was only one way out of this mess, he realised, and only one way off of this planet. He could not remain working in the SGC after this. It would have been difficult if Sam had gone through with her original plan of backing out of any relationship, but to face her every day when less than twenty-four hours after sleeping with him she could sleep with someone else was impossible. In that moment at her front door, Jack had lost all respect for her and he never wanted to see her again. There really was only one solution.

X X X X X

Daniel was standing in the control room, watching the large group of Edorans walk through it. Soon the only people left in the embarkation room were General Hammond and Colonel O'Neill. The microphones, which usually allowed those in the embarkation room to be heard, had been switched off. From where he was stood, Daniel could see the two men shake hands and salute each other before Jack began to walk towards the ramp. The colonel paused and looked up at the control room. He smiled a goodbye to Daniel and Daniel returned the smile. Daniel and Jack had said their goodbyes earlier, when Jack had told Daniel that he had decided to be with Laira.

Daniel knew that there was more to it than that, but Jack swore that there was not.

"Daniel, what's going on?" Daniel turned to see Sam standing behind him. She looked like she had had a very late night – a very late, drunken night.

"Watching the Edorans leave." Daniel moved to one side, allowing Sam to see into the embarkation room. Jack was still at the base of the ramp.

"What's Colonel O'Neill doing?" Sam asked and the panic was evident in her voice.

"He's, uh… he's…" No matter how hard Daniel tried he could not say that Jack was leaving, it should be up to Jack to tell her.

"He's leaving, isn't he?" Sam asked. Without waiting for an answer Sam ran from the room and down the stairs. Daniel watched as he saw Sam run into the embarkation room, catching Jack's attention. General Hammond, knowing his officers and friends, graciously left the other two alone. Daniel watched the silent exchange between his friends.

X X X X X

Jack noticed Sam enter the room and everyone else present vanished as he sadly saw only her. He had not wanted to see her again and he had hoped to be away before she could drag herself away from whoever had spent the night. She looked badly hung-over and in dire need of sleep.

"Major," he greeted formally.

"Colonel, you're leaving?" she asked.

"Yeah, what's it to you?"

She seemed taken aback and confused at his comment. "I thought we were friends."

Jack stepped towards her, leaving just a few inches between them. "We were." He remembered being this close to her before. He remembered what it felt like to hold her and lie entwined with her. Part of him ached for that to occur again, but not after her recent actions. He did not want to think of her as a slut, but that was what kept coming to mind.

This was his last chance.

"Were?" she asked. "I know what happened between us … but I thought we could …"

She had been upset when she had gone out the night before, he knew. She had caught him kissing Laira. She had admitted that she loved him and heard nothing in reply. He should be able to forgive her for her actions were guided from misconceptions.

Should.

He leaned in close to her. "I remember once telling you," he whispered so only she could hear, "that I cared for you a lot more than I was supposed to. Well, that's still true. I wouldn't have done what I did with you if I didn't care. But you know what?" He paused to let her answer.

"What?" she asked as her voice and body trembled.

"I care for you a lot more than I want to right now." He pulled back to see her eyes welling with tears. He clenched his jaw to keep a reign on his emotions for part of him wanted to take it back, wanted to be with her forever, but he could not shake the image of another man in her bed. No other words were spoken as he turned his back on her and walked up the ramp. He paused at the mouth of the wormhole and then, without looking back, he left Earth and his life behind.

X X X X X

The End.


End file.
